Don’t Ask; Can’t Tell: On Trademarks and Tramp Stamps with G.I. Joe

The joy of writing about toys often reveals itself in the little cracks between full coverage. It’s also in the wonderful toy collectors, especially the zealous ones who do things like take pictures of G.I. Joe’s ass cheeks throughout the ages. These people do this because 1) they can and 2) they feel duty-bound to share their resources with a community. Isn’t that kind of beautiful?

If you Google “G.I. Joe trademark” (as I did this past weekend for a book I’m working on), the top three search results (at least at the time of this post) will be Wikipedia, a trademark infringement lawsuit and The Many Butts of G.I. Joe. It was this latter page, created by “ScottE” that proved the most helpful to my probe. Quoth Scott:

Having your Joe unsnap, unzip, and touch his toes, is the only way to get to the bottom of the identification mystery.

Don’t you love the Internet at times like this? Judging from the final Government Issued toy butt included in the undertaking, Scott’s G.I. Joe identification page was probably last updated around 1997. And yet it’s every bit as useful today as it was then. Thanks, bro!

Because 1) I can and 2) I feel duty-bound to share my resources with the community, I turned the plasticine porno pics into a historically relevant animated gif. Not to toot my own horn, but I had about a dozen (IMO genius) titles for this (largely meaningless) post. My best alternate:

“Hey Sailor Moon; I’ll show you a Real American Hero!”

OK, as you were then.